I Do Not Want To Climb Mt. Everest

I fancy myself an adventurous person.  Novelty and the pursuit of new experiences tend to be a main motivator for my recreational choices.  However, my 'adventurous spirit' rapidly diminishes when it comes to heights and extreme sports.  Maybe I can blame this on understanding my physical limitations (hello, klutzville!!) but honestly- I'm just chicken shit when it comes to things involving heights or mountains.  Snowboarding begs for concussions, Mountain Biking would be suicide, and Mountain Climbing is completely unfathomable. 

Readers of this fine blog- I can't even walk upright at Disneyland.

Thing is, I totally get the adventure-seeker mindset.  I understand the whole concept of 'I feel a need to climb it/slide down it/ jump out of it because it is there.'  But I am hyper-aware of the fact that my body cannot do extreme things and will most likely break in the trial.  Since I don't have a need to seek out mountaineering information (well, until now), I haven't ever been privy to the ethical questions of mountaineering while in a death zone.

Gizmodo linking to this blog post fucked. my. shit. up. 

Its a graphic account (pics of decaying bodies) of Mount Everest's 'death zone' - or part of the mtn. that exceeds 8,000 miles in altitude.  According to the post, being above 8,000 miles does crazy shit to your mind and body.  Stratosphere, yo!  You use your oxygen before your body can replenish its supply- so you have roughly 48 hours to get to the top and back to camp before you meet your end.
I think the 48 hour window is only possible through the use of oxygen canisters, so you have even less time if there's an oxygen mishap.  Lots of people (157, I think) died up there in plain view- and nobody is willing to risk dragging their corpses back down the mountain.  In the case of a female mountaineer that died in 1979- a Sherpa and a Nepalese police officer died trying to bring her remains back down.  So...to climb up, you step over and around well-preserved bodies. 

This article was rough for many reasons, first and foremost being the story of David Sharp (a mountaineer who died on his ascent of Everest in 2006).  A group of 40 climbers (headed by Mark Inglis) walked right past him, completely ignoring him even though he was clearly in distress.  Nobody wanted to risk turning around and possibly losing their own chance at the summit.   According to video footage of the event, the climbers actually had to step AROUND him to keep going upwards.  These dudes gave interviews after the fact, and everyone had some bullshit answer about going crazy from the altitude, or not being able to successfully rescue Sharp.  Inglis even made up lies about radioing (word?) base camp to ask for help.  Base camp had no calls from Inglis recorded.

Well, after reading around, it seems like old skool pro mountaineers like Sir Edmond Hillary and Juan Oiarzabal were disgusted by Inglis and the rest.  A rescue would have been perilous, but totally possible - as evidenced by a rescue in almost the same situation only three days after Sharp died.  So many comments on these blog posts offer being 'in the zone' and 'in a fight for survival' as valid excuses to let their fellow climbers die.  It seems like such skewed priorities.  I mean, nobody is forcing you up the mountain.  Its a fucking hobby.  You aren't advancing science or human discovery at this point.  Woo! You made it up there, great job!  Now someone's dead.  Anyway, climbing Mt. Everest is totally uncool if you're a serious mountaineer now.  Its like the Dave Matthews Band of mountains.  If you want the Aphex Twin- climb this.

According to here, you can pay $75,000 to climb Everest with little to no training.  Sherpas will hoist you up on the permanent ropes installed to guide climbers to the summit.  As a result, people with no chops are crawling all up in Mount Everest and leaving garbage and gear and their own corpses in a nasty tourist trail.  This blows my mind almost as much as people leaving a man to die.  Why are people allowed to buy their way up??  Its seems like a senseless risk of Sherpa life!   Sherpas have to carry you up when your legs fall down from exhaustion.  In the case of Inglis' group - nobody was willing to let their Sherpas go help Sharp.  I mean, lend a dying man a Sherpa.. jeez. 

So, if there was a moral question to punctuate my ramblings, it would be- "Should you be ready to die before attempting to summit Everest? And is it even worth it to climb Mount Everest if you knew that your actions resulted in another climber dying? and How much does your hobby mean to you?

And the other crazy thing I learned today- there's SO MUCH garbage on top of Everest.

All the white people climb with plastic bottles, and gore-tex, and oxygen tanks- and pitch the stuff as its no longer needed.  Apparently, a bad-ass Sherpa and an apologetic Swede are leading a group up the mountain to try and clear out the trash.  Bodies aren't on the agenda unless they are in the direct climbing path.

Spooky.

It's On

David, Dylan, and I are embroiled in a great conflict.  The conflict (err... game) known as CARCOSSONNE!

Only one man shall emerge as the true champion.  It probably won't be me.

Nonetheless, I am excited by the prospects:

Games are fun!!!!

Hot Pants!

I get online retailer spam fairly often.  Despite my best efforts to remove my address from each mailing list- some crazy annoying emails keep slipping by.  Today I was spammed by 'Shopbop' who are urging me to check out the hottest pants styles for spring.

This is what they consider to be the hottest style:

Seriously?
These are like bad pajamas.  Or leg parachutes.  Or like having two hotel suites attached to your ass. This stylin' pair of 'wide-leg pants' costs $575.00.

Another option in this crazy parade of overpriced barf:

For those days when you only want to hide one midget per leg.  Such paragons of style can be yours for $194.00

Also of note- the 'I have no feet!' look:

Glorious.

I HATE spam.

Superbowl

Guess what?!?!  I done watched a whole fooseball game!!  Green Bay Packers won, I think.  Packers fans put giant foam wedges of cheese on their heads- its a totally normal thing to do in Wisconsin.  I don't understand Green Bay's sartorial choices, but it made the stadium festive.

I did learn the following life lesson- as displayed in artful use of ComicSans font:

That's right, kids.  Don't drink Joose.  Ever.

The best part of the game turned out to be Tivo.  We can skip all the boring shit really quickly.  When the refs took too long to finish waving and yelling, we skipped it.  When the Black Eyed Keys (haha, Ian) were sonically vomiting during half time, we skipped it like it never happened.  When the damn commercials were repeating- BOOM, skipped.

Which leads me to the next best part of Superbowl.  Dylan's commercials!!!  He had 3 that I can remember:

1. Pirates of The Carribean Trailer

2. BMW

3. Well, there was a third one......  Dammit, Joose!

Anyway- it was a fun time.  Except for the nasty terrible Joose-related stomach pains.

Don't call it a schnozz.  Adrian Brody has a 'profile.'

The Real Beginning of the End

As of today, Citigroup officially controls EMI.  I mean, we all saw this coming- but I'm in mourning nonetheless. 

Before I was even conscious of record labels existing, EMI's roster was my alltime top favorite.  Like every dumb, white valley kid with their parents' cassette collection, The Beatles and The Rolling Stones, The Beach Boys and Pink Floyd were my favorite bands.
Then I turned 12 and the Smashing Pumpkins changed my life.  "Bullet With Butterfly Wings" made me stop everything, grab my allowance, and demand a ride to Tower Records.  Sneaking the purchased CD into Larry's civic was total exhilaration, and the rush continued through both discs.  I was hearing the future.  I was hearing MY generation.  No more hippie sounds and sad nostalgia.  This was MY SOUND and MY SCENE- NOW.   Something awesome was out there for me to find, and dammit- I was going to be a part of it. 
The music addiction continued, and my collection of favorites expanded to include Radiohead, The Dandy Warhols, Massive Attack, Chemical Brothers, Fatboy Slim, Cracker ( 'Low' was my favorite song for two years.. replacing 'Pepper' by Butthole Surfers and 'No Rain' by Blind Melon - both EMI).  I read Rolling Stone religiously (heh, it was the mid-90s) and started to understand the concept of 'labels.' Capitol and Astralwerks were my personal favorites (home of Dandy Warhols and Chemical Brothers!!).  As the passion for electronic music grew (thanks Jason B!) working at Astralwerks was THE DREAM.

Flash forward- I lived the dream.  LIVED the DREAM. 
My time at EMI was the best and the worst.  It was one of those things that as I lived it- I knew 'this is as good as some things will ever be.'  It was probably the only time my career will ever be considered 'cool'.  Probably the only time I will ever be paid to drive around with bands, play with prototypes of gaming consoles, and stalk MC Hammer.  I still think fondly of my time in the tower approximately every 5 minutes (or more frequently if an EMI recording is playing).  In fact, if we're in a restaurant, I'm probably not listening to you because David Guetta is playing in the background.  I learned how to handle my booze at EMI.  I met some of my dearest friends at EMI.  I basically learned how to be an adult (with all the responsibility and disappointment that entails) at EMI.  I learned how to multitask and bust my ass for little to no recognition or reward other than personal satisfaction.

I have too much love for EMI.  I still love the company, the people, the place, the artists, the culture... even the annoying T&E forms and Peggy's stank-ass microwaving.  I was proud to try and help my artists get the best deals they could.  I was proud to work there and be a part of the team.  I will always feel a terrible sense of pride and comraderie and heartbreak every time I see that freaking tower or go to Hollywood or hear my artists or smell fish at 10:30 am.

Its very anti-climactic that EMI will die as a carved up, dried-out, unwanted asset after 114 years of business.  The company has existed basically as long as recorded sound has existed.  They were instrumental in the creation of recording and playback technology for in-home use, and worked with the BBC sound labs to revolutionize radio and television broadcast.  At the heart of 'Every Mistake Imaginable' is a once-noble company founded on the embrace of technology and innovation.... so seeing them flounder and die at the hands of the very technology they could have (should have!) championed makes me depressed.

They also should have made me a fucking manager.
The end.